Twilight and Fire

An ongoing experiment in Pagan monasticism

Celibacy: To Be or Not to Be Isn’t Really the Question October 24, 2008

Filed under: Daily Life, Monastic Values — Elizabeth @ 1:37 pm

What’s the thing that comes most often to people’s minds when you mention monastic life? It’s probably celibacy, which is the practice of abstaining from all sexual contact, although this varies – some include masturbation as a prohibited practice, while others are content to define celibacy as merely avoiding sex with other people. At any rate, because the two most commonly recognized monastic traditions (those of Christianity and Buddhism) in the Western world stress sexual continence for theological reasons, the association of celibacy with the life of a monk or nun has become an expectation.

Really, however, there is no reason for monastics in a Pagan tradition to be celibate merely as a matter of course. This is not to say that celibacy has no place at all; some traditions (reconstructed or modern) may emphasize the mindful use of sexual energy only in specific contexts. Those who serve as god-consorts are frequently asked to avoid sex with other humans, though this does not preclude sexual intimacy with the deity Him/Herself (although that is a subject for another post.) Illness is also a compelling reason; having AIDS or another STD means that you must act with extreme caution and discretion if you are going to engage in any sexual contact with someone else, and some might find that total abstinence is easier. And one might not wish for the most obvious, if not most immediate, consequence of sex – a child. But from what I understand, most modern Pagan traditions are fairly open about sexuality to some degree or another. Even the primary Old Norse sources refer to women taking lovers if they wish (not a common freedom even in ancient pagan societies) and have sometimes wry observations on the so-called “battle of the sexes” (see Lokasenna and Havamal, respectively.)

If celibacy is not an absolute requirement for a Pagan nun or monk, then when is it appropriate? In addition to the reasons I’ve given, if your deity or deities require it of you through examples from Their myths, customs from Their ancient worship or modern-day UPG, then that’s one instance. Another might be during certain times of year – some folks dedicated to underworld gods or who work with the dead might be required to abstain from sex for periods of time, for example. But largely, I see the question of whether or not to be celibate as a personal issue, one which the individual must decide for him- or herself based on how well s/he can balance a healthy sex life with the needs and demands of the vocation s/he has vowed to embrace.

Notice I said healthy. By this, I don’t mean that one must abstain from BDSM or other activities commonly viewed as “sick” or “wrong” by a good portion of mainstream society (though if you think it’s your right to force other beings into non-consensual sex you’ll get zero sympathy and a boot up the ass from me, if I ever find you). Aside from the fact that I’d be a flaming hypocrite for calling someone else’s kinks “unhealthy,” it’s not so simple as deciding that, say, anal sex is sinful and unworthy of a monk or nun. It’s more that a monastic should take care that whatever kind of sex one likes to have should make one and one’s partners happy and should not cause harm (which is different from merely hurting someone physically – harm causes lasting and/or psychological damage as well.)

Having a healthy sex life is a part of being a happy and fulfilled human being, and only the individual knows what s/he needs to have that healthy sex life – be it one regular partner, several partners, many partners, no partners, or some or all of these at various times. But we are all too often unaware of what we really need and want, because as much as Pagans would like to believe that we are radical thinkers, free of the blinders worn by so many others in Western society, the truth more often than not is that our private attitudes are just as unhealthy and warped as that of the culture we criticize for its sexism, misogyny and homophobia.

So celibacy might serve yet another purpose – that of allowing someone time and space to back off and figure out where he or she stands in matters of the boudoir. This can be incredibly useful, for without engaging in potentially harmful behaviors with possible emotional repercussions, it is easier to see patterns of behavior that might work against one. It’s also fair, because if you are going to take on the task of dumping your sexual baggage, it’s best that others don’t get dragged into it – unless they want to help, that is. Obviously, if you’re in a committed relationship your partner may not welcome the idea of no sex for a given period of time while you get your head together, so it depends on your situation. At any rate, temporary celibacy might be a useful tool to increase your mindfulness about why you do the things you do and with whom.

I was a god-spouse before I ever took up the work of priesthood or being a nun, and from the very start I was required to be celibate. I will not say that I had no sex life whatsoever. I am, after all, married and oathed to one of the lustiest, most seductive and most perverted gods in the Norse pantheon, if not the most, and while I don’t wish to discuss my private life in any great detail, let’s just say that I wasn’t abstinent in the truest sense. But I did not have sex with other mortals for quite a while because Loki insisted that it be that way.

At first I was under the impression that He was being jealous and possessive, which is a flattering, if somewhat self-aggrandizing, thought. Then I suspected it was because I was supposed to be celibate for priesthood reasons or because They wanted me to become a nun, but I soon decided that was ridiculous because I’m a Norse Pagan and don’t believe sex is inherently sinful outside of marriage, or must be given up entirely to transcend the physical world. I got no omens, signs or messages to confirm that suspicion, anyway. Finally, after several years, I figured out that Loki’s insistence had very little to do with me being His special little sugarplum or needing to remain abstinent to make me a better priest or nun. It was simply because I was not capable of viewing sex in a healthy way.

I would have seen this from the start if I had been half as mindful as I aspire to be. But better late than never, and at last I understood that because of low self-esteem, bad body image and a past history of what one might call unwise relationship choices, I was in no way capable of having a healthy sex life with another mortal at that point in time. But merely abstaining wasn’t the only way Loki chose to have me face this; a number of things happened that showed me that my ideas about myself and my sexuality weren’t exactly useful or healthy. It took a long time, and through it all (though His enemies would be amazed and dubious to hear it) Loki was entirely gentle and encouraging towards me as I struggled to see myself as I am rather than as I feared I was. Ultimately, Loki wanted me to be happy and have a healthier attitude (although I should point out that not all the gods care so much about whether I do my work smilingly or with bad grace – just that I do it.)

I now understand that as Loki’s wife and priestess, I have no desire for another serious, permanent relationship. However, this is not to say that I intend to remain abstinent for the rest of my life. There will be no need for that. But all this is entirely related to individual circumstance and not something that just automatically goes along with the job (nor with being a god’s consort; many god-wives or god-husbands have human partners as well.)

So I’d say that the real question Pagan monastics might want to ask ourselves is not “Should we be celibate?” but rather, “How mindful are we of our sexual expression, attitudes and relationships, and do those things help or harm us?” Finding the answers to that may take a long time, perhaps years, but the mindfulness necessary to cultivate a clear-eyed view of oneself is something which a monastic is already (presumably) striving for. Granted, communities are often torn apart by sexual jealousy, and while that is unavoidable to a degree, I don’t see it as my job to prevent that by writing draconian strictures against sex in my hypothetical, eventual Rule. I’m not entirely sure about how I’m going to address sexuality there, but I’m fairly certain at this point that it won’t be a simple set of “dos” and “don’ts”.

 

Prayer October 22, 2008

Filed under: Daily Life, Northern Paganism, The Gods — Elizabeth @ 2:50 pm

One of the devotional tools I use is a set of prayer beads. They are similar to the Northern Tradition prayer beads that my housemate sells online. Mine are somewhat different than the ones depicted on the site, as I wanted beads for certain deities that aren’t mentioned in the standard set. Also, none of the Aesir are represented save Bragi and Idunna. That makes me sad, but it wasn’t my choice.

The beads are made of glass and semi-precious gemstones with bone spacers. They’re in somewhat different order now than when this photo was taken since I’ve had to re-string them twice. I’ve also altered some of the prayers from their original form, which I posted long ago in my personal journal and which some of you may already have read. The current series of prayers goes like this:

In the name of Sunna, fair wheel racing across the sky, may I find joy with each sunrise.

In the name of Urd, That Which Is, may I use my orlog wisely
In the name of Verdande, That Which Is Becoming, may my maegan and hamingja grow and strengthen.
In the name of Skuld, That Which Must Be, may I bravely accept my wyrd.

Hail to the folk of Asgard, mighty fortress of the Aesir.
Hail to the folk of Ljossalfheim, glimmering realm of the Light-elves.
Hail to the folk of Vanaheim, golden country of the Vanir.
Hail to the folk of Jotunheim, ancient home of the Jotnar.
Hail to the folk of Midgard, lively world of mortal men.
Hail to the folk of Muspellheim, burning land of the fire-etins.
Hail to the folk of Svartalfheim, shadowed realm of the Duergar and Dark-elves.
Hail to the folk of Niflheim, ice-rimed world of the frost-etins.
Hail to the folk of Helheim, the refuge of the dead.

(Norns’ prayers)

In the name of Frey, Golden Lord of Vanaheim, may I understand the true meaning of sacrifice.
In the name of Gerda, Lady of the Walled Garden, may I find self-understanding in solitude.
In the name of Freya, Vanadis and Wearer of Brisingamen, may I come to understand my true worth.
In the name of Nerthus, Earth Mother, may I value the earth and all the creatures that live in and upon her.
In the name of Njord, Lord of Ships, may I provide safe harbor for those who need it most.
In the name of Holda, Lady of Hearth and Home, may I cook nourishing food, keep a fair house, and turn no weary guest from my door.
In the name of Bragi, Skald of Skalds, may I be a courteous and cheerful guest in the halls of others.
In the name of Idunna, Keeper of the Apples of Immortality, may I have health of body and vitality of spirit.

(Norns’ prayers)

In the name of Aegir, Ale-brewer Under the Sea, may I serve my community with generosity and graciousness.
In the name of Ran, Storm-bringing Ravager, may I value the sea and all the creatures that live in and around her.
In the name of Kolga, Mermaid of Cold Waters, may I understand stillness.
In the name of Duva, Mermaid of the Hidden Island, may I value the treasures I cannot always see.
In the name of Blodugghada, Mermaid of the Sea-bound Rivers, may my blood be a source of power rather than sorrow.
In the name of Hronn, Mermaid of the Whirlpool, may my fear spur me to act for the greater good.
In the name of Hevring, Mermaid of the Surface Waves, may my tears purify my spirit.
In the name of Bylgja, Mermaid of the Riptide, may I know when to swim against and when to succumb to the forces that impel me.
In the name of Bara, Mermard of the Big Wave, may all that is unnecessary and harmful in my life be eroded away.
In the name of Unn, Mermaid of the Tidal Rhythm, may I remain mindful of the patterns and passage of time.
In the name of Himinglava, Mermaid of Fair Weather, may I persevere through each storm to the sunshine which follows.

(Norns’ prayers)

In the name of Loki, Firebrand and Bringer of Gifts, may I bring needed change to the world.
In the name of Angrboda, Chieftess and Hagia of the Iron Wood, may I lead with courage and wisdom.
In the name of Fenrir, Great Wolf, may I learn to love my own monsters.
In the name of Jormungand, World Serpent, may I respect others’ boundaries, as well as my own.
In the name of Hati, Moon-chaser, may I bear unwelcome tasks with acceptance.
In the name of Skoll, Sun-pursuer, may I find what joy I can in the unwelcome tasks that befall me.
In the name of Sigyn, Lady of Endurance, may I find the strength to endure life’s harshest blows.
In the name of Narvi, eldest son of Sigyn, may I remember and honor those who have died innocent at others’ hands.
In the name of Vali, younger son of Sigyn, may I continue to fight against my own madness, and to help others do the same.
In the name of Sleipnir, eight-legged son of Loki, may I pass between worlds in swiftness and safety.
In the name of Laufey, Lady of the Leafy Isle, may I remain true to myself.
In the name of Farbauti, Flaming Arrow, may my swift wits be a weapon against attack.
In the name of Surt, Lord of Muspellheim, may I remember that from destruction comes rebirth.
In the name of Gunnlod, fair-voiced Lady under the Mountain, may my times of isolation bring forth beauty and joy.
In the name of Hyndla, Hagia of the Northern Mountains, may I see clearly into the bloodlines I must walk.
In the name of Mengloth, Mistress of Healing, may I remain mindful of the pain I cause others.
In the name of Utgard-Loki, Sorcerer-King, may I know when to speak and when to remain silent.
In the name of Mordgud, Battle-Maiden of Helheim’s gate, may I guard well that which is under my care.
In the name of Nidhogg, Gnawer at the Roots, may I remember that there is no such place as “away.”
In the name of Hela, Goddess of Death, may I have compassion for the dying and for those who mourn them.

(Norns’ prayers)

In the name of Mani, Walker in the Darkness, may I find peace with the shadows of each night.

In the name of Yggdrasil, World Tree, may I withstand the fire and frost of mortal existence and remain rooted at the center of my being.

My goal is to say these prayers at least once every day. I go through periods of being very diligent about it, and periods of being not so diligent, sometimes even going without praying for weeks at a time. I’d rather not say prayers by rote because I feel they become meaningless when reduced to the level of a task that one must get “out of the way.” I find, however, that sticking faithfully to the routine over time makes it easier to get into the proper state of mind when I do sit down to pray, even if at first it’s hard to be mindful.

Some people believe that prayer has no place in Northern religion unless one has a servile, cowardly relationship to the gods, who supposedly will spurn our prayers as some kind of admission of weakness. I think that shows a misunderstanding of the nature of prayer. One does not need training, a fancy title, supernatural powers or a lot of rich trappings for it. Sure, you can use prayer to ask for help for yourself or another. Sure, the nature of the gods is revealed all around us in the things sacred to Them, in Their legends and stories, and in the rites that the people develop in Their honor. But prayer adds an extra dimension to one’s understanding of the gods, and when done mindfully, may allow us to hear Their voices as well. I sometimes wonder if those who claim that the gods have nothing to say to modern humans have ever bothered to pray.

 

Ethics and Values, Part Three October 17, 2008

Filed under: Monastic Values, Northern Paganism — Elizabeth @ 4:01 pm

Having looked at the ethical/value systems of a number of diverse traditions (including Asatru) and then discussed my own values, I am now going to describe some of the values I would like to be a part of my monastic life, and which would form the foundations of a Rule for Northern Pagan monasticism.

Keeping in mind that not every person who might be attracted to this kind of life is going to be a Lokean, or even god-touched (and this is not a bad thing), I’ve decided to focus on what I consider to be fairly universally applicable values that diverse members of a hypothetical community could utilize as a basis for practice just as well as a solitary monk or nun. So far there are six, as follows:

Celebration: Whether we are worshiping the gods, remembering the dead, commemorating rites of passage or special events, honoring spirits, landwights and housewights, marking the cycles of earth, moon and sun, or all of the above, celebration of some kind is a key component of Northern religious practice. Rituals help maintain and strengthen our ties to our ancestors, the land we inhabit, the gods and spirits of the Nine Worlds, and to each other. They also provide an opportunity for gathering with those we might not see at other times, and for doing certain kinds of business at which it is important to have an entire community assembled. And who doesn’t love an excuse to congregate, feast, sing songs and tell stories, and have a good time? At some point I’d like to create a liturgical calendar which would cover daily, monthly and yearly rituals and would be available to other interested parties, but that’s a long way in the future. (Of course, one may celebrate alone, although if one is faining gods and other wights, you could say that one is not really “alone”…)

Contemplation: A counterpoint to celebration, contemplation is inwardly focused. Monastic life should include times for solitary work, meditation, prayer and other activities which allow one to shed external distractions and listen to the voices of the Holy Ones, or simply the small voice of wisdom within. After all, though we might gather joyfully to celebrate together, ultimately our relationships with the wights are individualistic and often deeply personal, imbued with a different kind of joy. What forms of contemplation one chooses are less important than that they are useful at quieting the static and noise in your brain and helping you get to a place where you can think deeply and/or commune with the wights. Disciplined exercises in a martial art you are already trained in can provide a deeply contemplative experience. Utiseta or “going under the cloak” is another way to achieve this. I’m fond of using my prayer beads as a meditative tool as well as a devotional one, but using field archery for this purpose has helped me too. And that brings me to…

Mindfulness: Unlike lay folk, someone devoted to a monastic life will probably have certain restrictions and taboos that must be followed at all times, self-imposed or otherwise: wearing particular kinds of clothing, abstaining from certain foods, following a daily schedule of prayer, work and recreation, refraining from certain activities at various times. Being mindful not only of one’s activities but of the reasons behind those activities helps keep us focused on spirituality as an integral part of life rather than something that exists only during prayer or ritual. Yet being mindful does not mean being too critical or getting bogged down in details. The goal is attentive appreciation, not anal-retentive nitpicking. Mindfulness is a virtue whose value is well attested in the primary sources, which are full of wise women and men whose advice was sought after by others. You can bet that they didn’t get to be so wise by being unmindful or willfully ignorant. Half of Havamal seems to be about being mindful of one’s words and deeds, too.

Service: Reciprocity was important in Old Norse culture, but it isn’t just about giving gifts. I believe that to fully appreciate the value of receiving service from others, one needs to know exactly what goes into rendering it. Our modern home culture has an unhealthy attitude towards service; the idea that retail or restaurant jobs are not “real” work, or are only held by those incapable of doing any better, illustrates this. But there is nothing wrong with honorable service of any kind. Understand that I’m not necessarily talking about thralldom (which is important to some folks, like Theodish Heathens), nor am I saying that service is only ever properly rendered from those of lower status to their superiors. A friend of mine who is also a monk says that anybody, no matter what their rank, can receive service. Indeed, high-status positions are often far more about serving others (or the common good) than is imagined by the ambitious. And if nothing else, I’d venture to guess that most Northern Tradition monastics, even the solitary ones, would be in service to the gods and spirits, at least.

Sacrifice: This is indeed a part of the Northern tradition, and it is a value whose omission from the NNV and most similar Heathen codes of ethics has always blackly amused me. After all, Odin gave up His life for the runes and the wisdom they carry. Frey gave up the best sword in the Nine Worlds in order to win Gerda as His bride. Tyr gave up His hand as a pledge of honor to Fenrir. Willingly giving up something necessary and valuable to you is a powerful act, especially when offered in the correct spirit. When you give some treasured or necessary thing that you can’t easily do without, you are giving a gift of great power, so you had better be prepared to offer a sacrifice only when you are certain the reward is well worth it or there is truly no other option. But if you’re devoted enough to become a nun or monk in the first place, then this notion of sacrifice probably isn’t one you’re afraid of, anyway.

Faith: Um, what? Shouldn’t someone already have faith if they’re trying to be a Pagan nun? Well, yes. However, I once wrote in a short story that faith isn’t an unassailable fortress; it’s a crumbling wall that we struggle to climb every day, some days never reaching the top. If you believe that becoming a monastic will settle every doubt and prevent further spiritual crises once and for all, have I got news for you. Nobody, no matter how cloistered or holy, is immune to disbelief, disappointment or anger at the workings of the gods, the world or the human heart. Cultivating our personal faith so that it becomes the mighty spear that defends us, or the strong tree that nourishes and supports us, or both, is at the heart of monastic practice. In my view, the word “frith” is partially about having faith that all must be as it should be, even if it’s not always as we’d like it to be. All of the other virtues and values listed above have the same goal in mind: to assist the monastic in striving to deepen his or her faith, which allows us to live in frith with the gods, the world, each other and ourselves.

I may think of other things to add to this list, but for now, that’s what I’ve come up with. The Rule I intend to develop will be based on these (and any other) values, rather than the personal ones which I’ve written about previously. I am striving for mindfulness especially in developing the common Rule, so that my personal blind spots affect its writing as little as possible.

 

One of Those Days? October 16, 2008

Filed under: Daily Life, The Gods — Elizabeth @ 2:57 pm

What do you do if you are a monastic and you’re having a bad day, where you’re angry at the world, pissed off at your fellows, annoyed by the gods’ demands and/or just generally not in the mood to prove your devotion or think spiritual thoughts? Do you force yourself to go through the motions? Do you go out in disguise and pretend you aren’t a monk or nun for the day? Do you throw yourself heedlessly down on the sofa, Haagen-Daz and Fritos at hand, to waste the afternoon watching Cartoon Network instead of praying or writing or doing what needs to be done?

Most monastics from other religious faiths would emphasize that it’s probably best, perhaps even required, to treat each day the same as the one before it and the one that will come after it; even if you aren’t “in the mood,” you’re still a monk or nun and there are things that need doing, damn it. Yeah. I figure that even if there are times when I am not feeling particularly uplifted, the devotional life I have been given to live is still there whether I feel like acknowledging it or not. Making the effort to complete one’s duties and fulfill obligations goes a long way towards making me feel at least a little better, because after a while there is comfort and reassurance in the routine for its own sake.

Doing this is sometimes very hard for me. I have yet to take any formal vows towards being a nun full-time. I suppose I’d be classified as somewhere in between the novitiate stage and that of a full-fledged nun were I actually living in a convent and not trying to eke out a monastic lifestyle in the cluttered and chaotic farmhouse of my friend the shaman and his family. But as there is no order of Norse Pagan monastics for me to join and I’m having to make it up as I go along, I therefore cannot rely on a sponsor or an abbot or abbess to help me keep going day after day, even when things are going badly.

It’s lonelier than I thought it would be, partly because it’s not as if I’m really a hermit living in a hut out in the woods. In some ways, being surrounded by other people who aren’t dedicants like myself makes it even harder to keep my commitments, which at this time are very few compared to that of nuns of other faiths. But I strongly feel that I can’t be a nun, or a priestess, or Loki’s wife for that matter, whenever it suits me or only when I’m in a good mood. So what do I do on days like today, when I am upset and angry and some of the causes for that are, in fact, my husband and fulltrui and the terms of my spiritual life which He has imposed?

What I do is not going to work for all. I am well aware of my tendencies. I try to overcompensate for what I feel are my deficiencies by pushing myself to stupid extremes of self-denial, which is pointless as well as potentially harmful, since I’m not doing it for the right reasons. There is a place for discipline and self-control in the monastic life, but it has to be done correctly and not because you want to reinforce your own guilt and bad self-image. So I have to avoid grimly performing my daily tasks (and then some) in a spirit of “I deserve to suffer without respite!”

On the other hand, depending on the day and circumstances, I also have to avoid falling into a morass of weepy self-indulgence. I have a history of moderate to severe depression for which I am currently being treated, but it takes more effort to alter one’s behavior in a positive manner than it does merely to swallow medication or complain at length to one’s close associates or therapist. So I have to guard against the temptation to lie around moaning to myself (and anyone within earshot) about how much my life sucks, other people suck, and I suck. That’s not productive, either, and whining self-pity is neither a personal value of mine nor a part of the heritage of the Northern Europeans. Nor does Loki seem to view it as being especially useful, judging from the way He acts when I start feeling sorry for myself.

So I compromise. I do the bare minimum of my daily tasks, although if I’m feeling up for it I might do additional chores in order to stop obsessing. I make more of an effort to say my bead prayers, since that tends to calm me and focus my mind as well as giving honor to the gods I revere. If I’m really in a bad mood, I try to avoid too much interaction with other people. Seclusion is another useful spiritual tool, although as with self-denial, it’s better if you’re using it as a means to get to a specific place rather than escape something else. Having privacy is no guarantee in the house where I live, but I probably have more privacy here than just about anybody except Julie, another housemate who spends most of her time in an outbuilding away from the main house. I take advantage of the opportunity to be alone when I need to, even if it’s just to indulge myself by sitting there stewing for a few minutes before I feel ready to get up and move on with my life.

And that’s the important thing to remember: generally, life goes on. Unless it’s something major – a catastrophic outside event, a crisis of faith, a serious health issue – most of the problems I run into are short-term and therefore don’t tend to occupy more than a day or so of my attention. I ask myself “Will I care about this in five years? A year? A month? Next week?” If the answer is “no” and then “no” several more times, it sure helps put my current difficulties in perspective. When I do have a more serious concern, I’ve found it’s best to try and move along as if things were normal, neither trying to force myself into doing extra work just for the sake of doing it, nor ignoring everything and letting myself go.

As I’ve said, this is just how I deal with bad days. Some people may find it more helpful to fill their time with chores and activities, while others might need to spend the whole day in a quiet space, meditating, writing or just being alone, and if you are monastically inclined, what you do is a matter for your own conscience as regard to your vows and obligations. However one chooses to approach things, I do feel it’s important to be even more mindful than usual about devotional practice. It is there not just to give the gods honor, but to help us feel closer to Them and more aware of our place in the world, which is incredibly soothing and strengthening during bad times. While I don’t advise praying only when you feel bad or want help with something, neither do I believe that offering the gods your attention and praise when you’re in a bad way is an offense or a slight to Them. If we cannot be who we are honestly and in all our pain and glory, to Those who must know us so intimately, then we’re only fooling ourselves. Wallowing in suffering is to be avoided, but there is no shame in candidly admitting that things are less than optimal. And I suspect that the gods, too, have “days like this” from time to time.

 

Gnnngh… October 16, 2008

Filed under: Admin, Himself, Random Mayhem — Elizabeth @ 1:23 am

I’ve taken down the post about my habits and the photo, as I am having some rather awkward personal issues about them which I don’t care to go into in this blog. Nunnish attire is still required of me, but it will probably be something slightly different.

All I can say is that this is what comes of being oathed to a trickster deity. One of the disadvantages of chronicling things as I go along, I guess. And Mercury just went out of retrograde, too, for whatever that’s worth. Normally I don’t put too much stock into that, as for me luck seems to increase during retrograde periods, but it just seemed…fitting somehow.

I’ll continue the series of posts on ethics soon. There ought to be one or two more.

 

Ethics and Values, Part Two October 14, 2008

Filed under: Monastic Values, Northern Paganism — Elizabeth @ 11:10 am

Another exercise I did as part of priestcraft training some time ago was to come up with a code of ethics. As I said in the paper posted recently, I felt that, rather than trying to develop a lost of “I shoulds”, I ought instead to write out a list of the concepts which I find to be personally important as a priest and as a person. So really, this is more a list of values rather than a guideline to specific behavior.

Here I should emphasize that values and ethics are not exactly the same thing. Values are ideas or ideals which a person or community holds to be worth protecting and encouraging; ethics, by contrast, are guidelines for behavior which reflect those values and discourage their negation. For example, having “marital fidelity” as a value can mean, for a monogamous couple, “no extramarital sex at all,” or for a polyamorous couple, “no extramarital sex without the other partner’s knowledge and permission.” On the other hand, if “marital fidelity” means something other than sexual fidelity, extramartial sex might be a nonissue to the parties involved. Values, like ethics, are often subject to interpretation and loaded with assumptions and personal biases. Ask seven different people what they think “family values” means and you’ll get seven different answers.

Anyway, I had to ask myself what I, as a Pagan and one of Loki’s folk, thought of as being values worthy of forming my ethics around. I did not use the Nine Noble Virtues as a model, despite their having been derived from the pre-Christian Scandinavians, although I honor some of the same values. One reason for this is that I am neither a religious or cultural reconstructionist. I feel that, as a modern American living in a society quite different from that of medieval Iceland, and having no desire to re-create that social model for myself or among my friends, there’s little point in striving to emulate the values our heathen ancestors apparently held. (And the NNV were some other modern person’s idea of what those values were, anyway.) Also, as I am a priest as well as a monastic, I felt that personally my values might be somewhat different than those of non-priestly folk. So after some thought, these are the things I determined to be my values:

Self-knowledge: One of the first and most vivid lessons Loki ever taught me (and is still teaching me) is that whether or not one chooses to lie to other people, one should never lie to oneself. This is not an excuse to constantly navel-gaze or to be self-absorbed, but a call to action – often painful and humiliating, but ultimately worth it in the end. Being in denial about your life and the nature of your relationships or having a false image of your own abilities is not at all helpful in the quest for understanding. Without a clear and confident view of your own good points, bad points, strengths, weaknesses, biases and fears, there is only so far you can go. Self-knowledge is the first step towards a deeper spiritual life and greater wisdom.

Mindfulness: Another thing I learned from Loki is the value of paying attention. This is something similar to the Zen concept of “living in the now,” but if I were to phrase it in more culturally relevant terms, I’d say that rather than seeking to actively dissolve one’s ego or reject the physical, mindfulness to a Northern religionist can mean becoming keenly aware of how your actions, no matter how insignificant, reflect your orlog and build your wyrd. Since European pagan religions in general do not emphasize denial of the flesh or self in hopes of earning an otherworldly reward, mindfulness helps us to more fully appreciate our bodies, our environment, and the world of Midgard we inhabit. It also helps us to strive towards self-knowledge and right action, and by being mindful, we learn more. And the more you know, the more power you have.

Discretion: All right, so having struggled to “know thyself” and to pay attention, what does one do with all that information? Part of wielding one’s power effectively is knowing when to speak and when to stay silent. Ask the next diplomat, courtier or king you meet about this. Personally, I have a hard time with discretion, mostly with the “when to stay silent” part. One can look to role models from the primary sources, like Unn the Deep-Minded, as inspiration for cultivating this value, or one can look to role models from real life. We all know someone who always seems to know the right thing to say at the right time. This may seem contrary to the Northern way, where opinionated bluntness is seen as the order of the day and is often the sole interpretation for the virtue of “honesty”. For myself, I believe that knowing what to say (or not to say) at the proper time is more useful than just saying whatever comes to mind, which has gotten me into heaps of trouble before.

Perseverance: Probably the most personally difficult of the values given here, since seeing things through has been a lifelong challenge for me. I am an underachiever and somewhat too passive, and there are many things I have begun and never finished. I’m also easily discouraged when things don’t go the way I want them to or when I meet opposition from others. But I see these things as weaknesses that need to be overcome, and furthermore, the times when I have been able to persevere and finish something, or at least keep struggling to overcome some obstacle, have always been rewarding. The flip side of this, however, is that sometimes you do need to know when to say “enough” or “no,” and sometimes perseverance is less about active struggle and more about knowing where your boundaries lie and not letting others run over them.

Courage: A lot of people seem to imagine courage as being wholly in the context of war and battle and winning renown by fighting with others. That’s fine, entirely in keeping with the Viking traditions of the North, but it isn’t the whole story. Often, the hardest battles to fight are the ones we create inside, which demand that we get over ourselves and our bullshit, already. How many would rather face a horde of the enemy than publicly admit something that shames them? After all, where is the glory in that? I can’t speak for the warrior types, but as a priest, I feel it’s vitally important for me to battle my inner demons and to face the unpleasant situations that I encounter with nothing less than the same kind of courage I might display going into an actual, physical battle. And as the Wizard of Oz pointed out, courage isn’t a lack of fear – it’s doing what needs to be done in spite of one’s fear.

Compassion: I can just see the sneers now. “Compassion? That’s so Wiccan!” When I say “compassion,” I’m not talking about the condescending sort of false compassion that is often displayed by the politically correct towards those they perceive to be less privileged than them. I’m talking about the kind of compassion it takes to push your fledglings out of the nest, to cut off life support to someone who’s never going to come out of the coma, and to break off a relationship that is doing neither of you any good. Having compassion doesn’t mean that you never cause any pain, even if you are sympathic to another’s point of view. But it has little to do with making everybody feel good and everything to do with trying to do what is best in the long run, so far as you can see it. Hela, the cold and implacable Goddess of Death, has taught me more about real compassion than anyone else. And knowing the difference between being a nice person and being a good one has proven to be an incredibly valuable lesson.

Gratitude: Another value which I’m sure some people will deride as proof that I’m polluting their Folkway, but one which I think is actually an integral part of it, and as always I speak only for myself. Gratitude is both a feeling and an action. The rune Gifu, which means both “gift” and “obligation,” is the complement to this value. Having gratitude need not mean being disgustingly servile. In fact, a person who is secure about him/herself does not need to fear expressing their gratitude – to the Gods, to our ancestors, to other people, to anybody else – for services rendered, favors received and gifts given, or even just for the good fortune of knowing someone exceptional. Although there may still be further obligation and “thank you” is not always enough to discharge that, expressions of gratitude are part of being mindful, part of building strong familial and community ties, and part of the acknowledgement that despite our sometimes pretentious views about rugged individualism, we are not living each in a vacuum. I firmly believe that if one is truly mindful about one’s life, one cannot help but be grateful for whatever blessings are in it, even if they are small and few.

I hope it’s evident or at least discernible how the values I’ve outlined above are interconnected. While in all honesty, the main goal inherent here is for me to become a better priest, these are also the values I strive for in my daily life and could easily be utilized by those seeking a system of values that is applicable to their home and family, tribe or community. I’m not saying that I think my little list of personal virtues is something I think everyone ought to adopt. I’ve included things that some will find unimportant, or left out things others value a lot more. But since I’m working my way towards formulating a monastic code which will be useful to all kinds of Heathens or Northern Traditionists – Lokeans or not, god-touched or not – I felt it would be helpful if folks could see where I’m coming from, what my particular biases might be, and how my personal values are similar or different from those underlying the Rule I’m eventually going to write.

Of course, I don’t always succeed at embodying these values. In fact, most days I’m a dismal failure. But these are ideals, not standards, and therefore there is no point at which I can turn around and say “Ha! I’ve achieved it! Okay, on to the next one,” I feel that there is at least as much worth in trying to manifest these things as there is in actually doing so.

 

Ethics and Values, Part One October 12, 2008

Filed under: Monastic Values — Elizabeth @ 4:58 pm

The following is a paper I wrote as a priestcraft training exercise.  I was asked to choose and compare several different codes of ethics, and while I was once trained in writing sober academic papers about dull research topics, I’ve largely forgotten how to do it, so this is rather opinionated. It is rather long for a blog post, but I’m posting the paper anyway for your entertainment and also to provide a jumping-off point for future posts about ethics in the Northern Tradition, which will ultimately (I hope) lead to the formation of a monastic Rule for myself and others who care to adopt it. If readers wish to discuss the things I said in this paper, please feel free to comment.

Codes of Ethics: A Comparison

Introduction

In this paper, five codes of conduct and ethics, drawn from five separate traditions, will be examined, compared and contrasted. All but one come from religious traditions that were founded within the last fifty years, although the roots of some of these traditions may in fact be older.

The codes of ethics which were chosen for examination are, in chronological order: the Seven Virtues of bushido (13th century), the Wiccan Rede (mid 1900s), the Nine Satanic Statements of the LaVeyan Church of Satan (1969), the Nine Noble Virtues of modern Asatru (1970s), and the Twelve Principles of Clarity from the First Kingdom Church of Asphodel (early 2000s). Four separate points of emphasis have been identified within these various codes of ethical behavior, in an effort to judge their differences and similarities with something like an unbiased standard, although that may in fact be impossible due to the author’s prejudices against certain of these faiths. Nevertheless, these points of emphasis have been useful criteria with which to compare and contrast these different codes of ethics.

Values, Goals, Behavior and Justification

The first point of emphasis, shared by all of these ethical codes, is that of values, which is here defined as “what the group holds most important.” Regardless of whether these various codes of ethics were developed slowly over time or were the inspiration of a single person, in every case the values expressed or implied by the code of ethics are clearly meant for acceptance of and adherence to by the group as a whole and as individuals – else they would not have been made publicly available.

The second point of emphasis is on goals – defined as “the ideals the individual strives to manifest.” Goals differ from values in that the emphasis is on trying to attain a personal modicum of adherence, rather than merely stating what the community feels is most important in terms of social mores. All but one of the codes of ethics described in this paper emphasize goals, with the exception having a different point of emphasis (see below).

The third point of emphasis is behavior, here defined as “how the individual is to act.” Although two of the ethical codes examined herein do not specifically state how the values are to be expressed or how the goals ought to be sought (the Seven Virtues and Nine Noble Virtues), the remaining three contain clearly stated models of action and avoidance which adherents to the faith are advised to follow.

The fourth point of emphasis, found in two of the ethical codes studied here, is justification, defined as “why the individual’s behavior is ethical.” This differs from the others in that it is retroactive, meaning that as the code of ethics in question is written, the commonly held values of the group are also being used as a standard by which to judge (presumably) past behavior rather than as encouragement for present or future deeds. This makes said ethical codes (the Nine Satanic Statements and less obviously, the Wiccan Rede) rather different in tone and possibly intent from the others examined herein.

Examining the Five Codes of Ethics

I. SEVEN VIRTUES (BUSHIDO):
(from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bushido#Seven_virtues)

Rectitude
Courage
Benevolence
Respect
Honesty
Honor
Loyalty

This code of ethical behavior was developed in feudal Japan hundreds of years ago. Unlike the Nine Noble Virtues of Asatru, which were essentially distilled from long-lost historical evidence, this code of ethics developed organically over time and was never actually written into law. Sometimes additional virtues are added to these, making a total of nine or ten, but the Seven Virtues are generally recognized as standard. Since the time of its widest influence, various versions and revisions of the bushido code have arisen, but these are not germane to the discussion.

The Seven Virtues clearly emphasize values; these concepts are what the warrior class of that culture and era esteemed most highly amongst its members. They also emphasize goals, in that each virtue is something to which every samurai warrior should aspire to guide his personal behavior. Note that how one is to strive for courage, for instance, or honesty, is not specified, thus behavior is not really emphasized directly here – it seems to be assumed that those who follow the Seven Virtues can judge for themselves how well they have met the standards. It’s also implied that there is no standard, and that these Virtues are forever unattainable, existing only as ideals to be emulated but never really attained.

One assumes that the awareness of both feudal and family obligations and social customs of the time would provide the guidelines for a follower of the Seven Virtues to mold his behavior accordingly. Outside of the context of the culture and era in which this ethical code was formed, however, one can have only a partial idea of what was meant by the Seven Virtues as a standard of samurai behavior. What constitutes “loyalty,” for instance? What is “respect”? Were the standards of behavior implied by this ethical code stricter or looser than modern Westerners can easily imagine? This brings up a further and more interesting question, applicable to any code of ethics: how meaningful is an ethical code when it is removed from its context of culture, tradition, society and historical background? The answer to that question is complex and may likewise be not very germane to this discussion, but is worth thinking about as the other ethical codes are examined.

To return to the subject at hand, it would seem that the Seven Virtues of the bushido code were meant to force their adherents to think about their behavior carefully beforehand, rather than justify it afterwards. Mindfulness is part and parcel of adherence to all but the most crude and draconian codes of ethics and is certainly a part of the spiritual tradition that gave rise to the Seven Virtues. No doubt those who followed them were aware that the values expressed herein were ideals to be sought rather than concrete goals to be obtained. One suspects that philosophical arguments about the nature of true bushido might have occupied much of the warrior’s time, if had they any to spare from fighting.

II. WICCAN REDE (WICCA):
(from http://www.wicca.com/celtic/wicca/rede.htm)

These Eight words the Rede fulfill:
“An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will”

The Wiccan Rede here given is part of a much, much longer guide to worship originally conceived by Gerald Gardner and Doreen Valiente in the mid-1950s as part of a new pagan faith called Wicca, based on Indo-European mythology, folkloric custom and ceremonial magic. The Rede is similar to the Thelemic injunction to “do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law, love is the law, love under will” and may have been derived from this. It is in fact one of the few things that the many, often eclectic versions of Wicca have in common with more traditional varieties, and although sometimes combined with the so-called “Law of Three,” the Rede itself as an ethical code is pretty much limited to the eight words given above.

The Rede’s emphasis on values is implied rather than stated; “harm none” implies peaceful, nonviolent behavior requiring some forethought, while “do what ye will” points to a valuation of personal freedom. In short, do whatever you want so long as it doesn’t hurt anybody else. However, this seemingly simple statement is full of philosophical pitfalls. Exactly how is one to define “harm”? Does “harm none” include nonhumans as well as other humans? Does it include the self as well as others? Is it even possible to live without harming another being? Does “do what ye will” mean that laws set in place by other institutions are to be disregarded? The values expressed by the Rede are, whatever other conundrums they may bring up, obviously meant to be taken side by side, and it is apparently left to the individual to decide for him/herself how far to take them.

On the surface, the Wiccan Rede is a model for behavior, with the specifics left to the discretion of the adherent. There are no guidelines beyond “harm none” and no further explanations, as pointed out in the preceding paragraph. Like the Seven Virtues, the Rede requires a certain amount of mindfulness; however, this author feels that it also puts the adherent in danger of a “slippery slope” mentality where “harm” can potentially be more easily dismissed in favor of “do what ye will.” While the implication of the Seven Virtues is that the opposite of each virtue (cowardice, lack of respect, etc.) are unworthy goals to aspire to, the Wiccan Rede seems on closer examination to emphasize justification as much as the Nine Satanic Statements (examined below), if less openly. It is, after all, far easier to explain away “harm” than it is to admit that you acted or are going to act unworthily.

The Wiccan Rede is perhaps the most philosophically unsatisfying of the various ethical codes examined here, in the author’s opinion. True, it does in a way set a far higher standard than any of the others in that it forces the adherent to define for him/herself what constitutes “harm” (which is far more difficult to define than something like “loyalty”) and to consider every possibly permutation of harm which may arise, for anybody, anywhere, before taking any action. While mindfulness of this sort is an admirable thing to cultivate, ultimately one cannot live and avoid inflicting harm on anybody else. In its attempt to present a way to live without inducing pain, inconvenience or trouble on any other living thing, the Wiccan Rede instead provides its adherents with a good deal of pain, inconvenience and trouble in just getting through a single ordinary day while being faithful to their own ethics.

III. NINE SATANIC STATEMENTS (CHURCH OF SATAN):
(from The Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey)

1. Satan represents indulgence, instead of abstinence!
2. Satan represents vital existence, instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom, instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it, instead of love wasted on ingrates!
5. Satan represents vengeance, instead of turning the other cheek!
6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible, instead of concern for psychic vampires!
7. Satan represents man as just another animals, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all!
8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
9. Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years!

The Nine Satanic Statements were the creation of Anton LaVey, founder of the Church of Satan and author of The Satanic Bible. This ethical code was neither formed over time by a culture or community, nor agreed upon by members of a group, and as such might seem a little out of place. However, it is the opinion of the author that the Nine Satanic Statements provide an interesting contrast and comparison to the other codes of ethics presented here.

Here, the values are mostly stated outright: self-indulgence, the attainment of wisdom, situational ethics, self-gratification. The ninth statement is less a statement of ethics than a polemic on Satanism’s founding and opposing tradition, and therefore can be disregarded for this discussion. Obviously, the adherents are being advised, however implicitly, to act in a manner coherent with these values of self-gratification, as well as occasionally being advised about actual behavior (“…vengeance, instead of turning the other cheek!”) While these statements are vague in some ways, they seem to form a more coherent world-view than that of the Wiccan Rede, which implies merely that causing harm is wrong.

On the other hand, the Satanic Statements seem to be mostly about justification rather than the striving for goals, as with the Seven Virtues. Statement 7 in particular, which calls humans “just another animal,” implies that any behavior, no matter how anti-social, is justifiable if self-gratification and situational ethics merit it. LaVey does further explain in his book that kindness “to those who deserve it” is something admirable, and provides further explanation of his rather excited manifesto; however, this also beggars the question raised above about how meaningful a code of ethics is when removed from its context – in this case, the book in which the Nine Satanic Statements first appeared.

However, the emphasis on justifying one’s primal urges is at least open to all but the most dense of adherents, and while the Wiccan Rede is meant to propel its followers towards mindfulness, it also runs the risk of providing a good excuse for anything so long as the notion of “harm” can be conveniently re-defined. The Satanic Statements are unabashedly about ego and the self, and make no attempts to disguise themselves as anything else. It would be hard to imagine running afoul of this code of ethics, because by its very nature it neither encourages the striving for of goals, nor does it represent the commonly held values of a group, being the inspiration of one person. However, given the essentially selfish, ego-gratifying nature of the Statements, it is also hard to imagine any adherents being part of a group for very long.

IV. NINE NOBLE VIRTUES (ASATRU):
(from http://www.sacred-texts.com/bos/bos653.htm)

Courage
Truth
Honor
Fidelity
Discipline
Hospitality
Industriousness
Self-Reliance
Perseverance

The Nine Noble Virtues were created by American Asatruar as a kind of distillation of the values they perceived to have been held most dearly by their heathen, pre-Conversion ancestors. They were not codified or recognized in their current form by those who lived in early Scandinavian or Germanic areas, a fact that is often ignored in modern Asatru. Nevertheless, these nine ideas represent a system of both values and goals, much the same as with the Seven Virtues of bushido. (In fact, it is tempting to accuse the Asatruar responsible for writing up the original Nine Noble Virtues as having sneakily drawn from the Seven Virtues, which would no doubt urge some of them into loud denials. But this is a digression…)

Much of what was said about the Seven Virtues applies here as well. These nine precepts are commonly described by Asatruar as values which the heathen community is supposed to hold dear (and by which it often judges the behavior of outsiders, consciously or not). These are also often described as goals to which an Asatru adherent should aspire to exemplify in his or her personal behavior. As the bushido code was written for a warrior class, so the Nine Noble Virtues appeal greatly to those within Asatru who seek to reconnect with the glories of going a-viking and berserking. The difference here is that the Nine Noble Virtues are meant for everyone, not just male warriors – men, women, children, nobles, ordinary folk and (though it is not often stated) priests and clergyfolk.

As with the Seven Virtues, the Nine Noble Virtues are open to a certain amount of interpretation, and also, it is implied that their antitheses (deceptiveness, laziness, inhospitality, etc.) are to be studiously avoided. However, the reasons for this are slightly different than that of the Seven Virtues – this is another place where context becomes important. Whereas the Seven Virtues were meant as a model of samurai behavior, which was intended to bring glory to the individual and reaffirm one’s worth as a warlord and ties to one’s own lord and Emperor, the Nine Noble Virtues are meant as much for the good of the community as for the individual’s own personal benefit. Indeed, modern Asatru writings on the subject often emphasize that the Nine Noble Virtues are essential to the smooth workings of heathen society. Community as a whole is the emphasis here, rather than honor among warriors.

V. TWELVE PRINCIPLES OF CLARITY (FIRST KINGDOM CHURCH OF ASPHODEL):
(from http://cauldronfarm.com/asphodel/clerk/charteroffaith.html)

We recognize the Twelve Principles of Clarity as a structure for spiritual discipline.

1. I will maintain purity of body.
2. I will maintain simplicity in my possessions.
3. I will strive for clarity of words.
4. I will strive to live sustainably on the Earth.
5. I will place no commitment of the heart above my commitment to my spiritual path.
6. I will commit only to honorable work.
7. I will maintain clarity in all relationships.
8. I will strive for purity in my sexuality.
9. I will sustain clarity of faith.
10. I will submit humbly to honorable authority.
11. I will maintain loyalty to the endurance of my community.
12. I will strive always for mindfulness and clarity of soul.

Asphodel is a small Pagan kingdom rather than a widespread religious movement or an social class; therefore, it falls somewhere between the Seven Virtues of an entire warrior class and the Satanic Statements created by one person. The Twelve Principles were written and ratified by a council of folk within this small community, and are hereby presented in its Charter of Belief as both goals to strive for and a model of behavior. They too have implied values, predominantly purity, clarity and community.

Here, rather than holding up a single umbrella term for various community values, the emphasis is on re-phrasing these values to apply to the individual. Whereas the Seven Virtues and Nine Noble Virtues are vaguer, the Principles of Clarity seem to be along the same lines as the Satanic Statements in that they provide a more or less clear guideline for behavior, one that more specifically addresses various areas of human life such as sexuality, spiritual belief, submission to authority and prioritizing relationships, compared to the Satanic Statements which refer everything back to “whatever gratifies one’s ego the most.” It is therefore both more complicated and yet better defined than some of the codes examined here, albeit with less room for interpretation on some points.

The goal here seems to be self-understanding, judging from the phrasing of many of the principles, and the emphasis on clarity. Whereas the Seven Virtues and Nine Noble Virtues are mostly about ideals which may never be truly attainable at all times, some of the Twelve Principles are fairly easy to follow – submitting humbly to honorable authority merely requires that one judge the authority honorable, and one behave in such a way that emphasizes humility, which is admittedly less of a philosophical and theological pitfall than just having “perseverance” as a value, for example. On the other hand, some of the Principles are just as vague as any of the other values expressed elsewhere: what, exactly, constitutes “clarity of soul”? On the whole, however, the Twelve Principles seem to strike a healthy balance between dictation of community standards and allowing the individual to set his or her own personal standards, and to judge whether or not s/he has met the goals set by the values implied herein.

Conclusions

Allowing for the biases of the author, this paper was begun with the intent of comparing several codes of ethics along some clearly defined standards: what values are expressed, what goals are encouraged, what behavior is proscribed and what justifications are given for said behaviors. Each ethical code had at least two of these points of emphasis. However, not all codes of ethics are created equally. Personally, the author found the Wiccan Rede far too vague, with an unfortunate propensity to be used as mere justification for unethical behavior, due to the extremely loose philosophical definition of “harm.” The Satanic Statements might work as a guide for personal behavior were the adherent intent on not having any real friends or community, and on pissing off all his/her relatives, as while they are openly self-justifying, they are also inherently antisocial. Therefore, neither of these two codes of ethics provides a satisfying model for creating one’s own ethical code.

Of the remaining three, the Twelve Principles of Clarity can only partially be described as a real “code of ethics;” ethical behavior is more loosely defined there, and the emphasis seems to be on spiritual growth more than community ethics, although those that are emphasized are firmly stated. The Seven Virtues and Nine Noble Virtues, while not allowing for much concrete direction, provide room for personal interpretation without being too vague (stealing from guests is clearly a breach of the NNV, for instance, while “courage” may be interpreted to include the conquering of personal trauma as well as an actual act of physical bravery). They also allow for the continual improvement of both individual and community values and behavior by being things which are striven for rather than absolutes which are met at some time or another.

In the formulation of a personal code of ethics, the author feels inclined to settle on some key values, which would also be understood to be goals, similar to those given in the bushido and Asatru traditions. This approach seems to strike a good balance between the interminable vagueness of the Wiccan Rede and the specific Principles of Clarity. This approach also leaves room for further expansion while still providing a sound framework for a code of ethical behavior.

 

The Story So Far… October 7, 2008

Filed under: Himself, Northern Paganism — Elizabeth @ 6:40 pm

Five years ago I became aware that someone – Someone, rather – was paying attention to me.

Did this frighten me? No. Was I concerned for my own sanity? Yes. Did I question the validity of my suspicions? Oh, yes.

In time I figured out Who it was, and the answer was a surprise. It wasn’t an invisible friend, figment of my imagination, pesky fire elemental, local wight or dead human. It was a deity. It was Loki. I can’t tell you at which precise point I knew this for a fact, but it only happened after much reflection and self-examination to ascertain that I was not, in fact, delusional.

After I acknowledged and named the Presence in my life, He began to speak to me. Not in a mighty voice from above, accompanied by a burning bush (or burning anything) and not to utter proclamations concerning deep, dire secrets, or to reassure me that I was His especial chosen, or anything spectacular like that. Mostly, He wanted candy. And to see me naked. A lot. And to my amusement and bewilderment, nothing, it seemed, was beneath His notice. He acted like a stranger who comes in off the street and is found sitting comfortably in your living room, feet on the coffee table, drinking your beer and eating your chips, when you come home tired from work. Instead of trying to throw Him out, however, I merely shrugged and joined Him on the couch, as it were. I might be flaky, easily bored  and easily distracted, but even I recognize inevitability when I see it in the form of a tall, red-haired interloper in eyeliner and a pair of tight leather pants.

Even so, this took some adjustment. I had been a Neo-Pagan for about 17 years before that, and my experience of the Divine was that the gods, if They even existed, were immanent yet distant, and wholly unconcerned with the minutiae of mortal everyday life. It was not always so, I discovered. Loki ingratiated Himself into my life so smoothly that in a relatively short time, I forgot what it felt like to have my awareness (and my bathroom) all to myself. He spoke to me unexpectedly, His words sizzling into my mind with a crackling intensity that was and is sharply distinct from my own meandering thoughts. It was very clear to me where He began and I ended, since He would say things, funny or pointed or sometimes cruelly accurate, that I would never have dared even to whisper to myself.

I like hearing the lay of your thoughts, Loki once said when I questioned Him as to why He preferred to hang around at the edges of my mind, eavesdropping on everything I was thinking. I didn’t know whether to feel violated or flattered. I chose the latter.

And after a few weeks of this, feeling His flame-like presence all around me day in and day out, I fell in love with Loki. I had read the Poetic Edda and Loki’s myths and had started looking into the pantheon of other deities who are worshiped in Asatru – and even some, like Loki’s wives Angrboda and Sigyn, who generally aren’t. I already knew that He was viewed less than charitably by a good number of people, and seemed unwelcome among many. That made no difference to me. The Loki I knew then and now is a trickster, a thief and a liar, a sorcerer, and the catalyst for both rollicking, bawdy humor and the terrifying end of the world, but to me He has ever been a friend, a lover and a source of both radiant joy and sweet pain. I defy anyone who encounters Loki as I have encountered Him to avoid falling in love, even just a little.

Our “courtship” went on for some time as I explored Northern religion and began to understand that while my experience wasn’t exactly commonplace, neither was it singular. I found others like me – those who heard the voices of the gods, whose lives are turned over to Them, and who were subsequently forced to make drastic changes in their living arrangements, religious views and the ways in which they perceive themselves. Most of these were people I met online. I was quite isolated and without a large social network where I lived and no one whose experience was remotely similar was at hand for me to commiserate with. Looking back, I can see how it made things especially difficult. But Loki wouldn’t go away. And contrary to what I had been told, my life did not fall into ruin and chaos because I associated with Him, even though some hard things were asked of me, such as leaving my job, coming out to my conservative family about my religious activities and making a long cross-country journey to visit a shaman I barely knew. Loki’s presence made my life better, not worse.

As hubris-filled as this probably sounds, on a regular basis Loki told me He loved me, and tried very hard to encourage me to have better self-esteem, to stand up for myself, and to rely on my own good judgment. He did not terrify me (often) as the Breaker of Worlds, nor did He even bedevil me much as the Trickster. Mostly, Loki showed me love and affection at a time when I had given up all hope of ever being deserving of those things. And I loved Him more and more. He became the most important Person in my life, the center of my heart. He still is.

A year or so after showing up, Loki asked me to become His consort. This was an entirely new notion to me, but then I thought of Catholic nuns who become the “brides of Christ,” and of the priestess who was called a wife of Frey in the primary sources, and it didn’t seem so strange. I was nervous at first, but Loki didn’t have to work very hard to win me over, so I finally agreed. We exchanged our marriage-oaths without fanfare, in the presence of no one else. Later there was an actual wedding, but that is a long and strange tale in and of itself, and for another time.

However, as happy as I am to be a wife of Loki, there have been difficult times. I had to come to grips with the considerable emotional baggage I still carried around from my childhood and adolescence, and some traumatic experiences that had happened in the years before Loki found me. Also, I learned the actual nature of our relationship, past and present, and it shook me considerably, since it altered everything I thought I knew about myself and my reasons for being incarnate in Midgard at this time. At other times, loneliness, desperation and poor signal clarity led me to some bad choices, some of which had long-term consequences.

And while learning to love Loki was very easy, learning to love myself – not just for His sake, but for my own – has proven to be the hardest thing of all. If there is one thing that belonging to Loki has taught me, it’s that real power – the kind that is dependent only on one’s own will and self-assurance, the kind that cannot be taken away by another no matter how badly you’re treated – cannot happen if you don’t respect yourself as an individual first. Someone had to point out to me – fairly recently, as a matter of fact – that if I do not take care of myself, I spit on Loki’s love and whatever value He places on me. While I am comfortable with the idea of being Loki’s property and doing as I’m told, even I must acknowledge that self-abnegation and pointless self-abasement are contrary to the spirited, joyous lust for life that runs through the Northern faiths, whether they are reconstruction-oriented or not.

Through the past few years Loki and His daughter Hela (who is my other fulltrui, or patron) and the other gods whom I revere have guided me onto a life path which is strikingly different from anything I might have envisioned for myself. I don’t mind that. Whether that’s because I’m just a passive underachiever or because I knew before it was expressly pointed out to me that I owe a lifetime of service to Them, I’m not certain. But I can say with full confidence that although I’m unsure of where I will be in a year, much less five or ten years, feeling my way along in the dark as I do, I’m much happier being a Lokean nun than I would have been as an archaeologist or a paralegal or a fantasy novel writer or even a cook, all of which I considered as career choices, and which I would’ve been reasonably good at.

There is a good deal I’m leaving out here, but this is enough back story, I think, for people to understand where I’ve been. I’m not really sure where I’m headed, but that’s part of the reason I’m keeping this public blog in the first place. And I do realize that all this talk of hearing voices in my head (and doing what They tell me to do) makes me sound like a schizophrenic or at least an attention whore, but I also know there’s no way I can convince everyone who reads this of my sanity or sincerity with my earnestly written blog posts. But this is an honest account of my spiritual life, and if anybody’s being jerked around or lied to here, it’s me. That’s a chance, however unlikely, which I’m willing to take.

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Not all the posts here are going to be so touchy-feely. I’m planning to write about ethics, daily devotional practice and the wearing of special clothing in the near future.