I find it unfortunate that I have to say any of this, but I feel I should set some things straight, based on some things I’ve heard:
- Yes, I have moved away from Cauldron Farm. No, nothing dramatic happened to instigate this. I began to suspect that, after several years there, it was time for me to move on. Divination bore out that suspicion, and a suitable living situation just happened to come along at the right time. I am still on good terms with the Kalderas and have not been thrown out or banned from the farm. Sorry to disappoint, drama-mongers.
- No, I have not been “fired” for being unable to live up to my gods or lacking in faith, merit, or skill. I have, however, left the monastic life after many years (informal and formal) of living it. This was not something I planned or anticipated, and it came as a bit of a shock to be told that I was going to stop, since I was preparing myself to live out the rest of my days that way. Truthfully, I had a hard time adjusting to the news at first, since my entire identity as a pagan and as a person was solidly grounded in being a monastic. But my red-haired interloper, who knows me better than anybody else, also knows things which I have failed to acknowledge about myself, and knows what would make me happiest, even when I refuse to listen to Him.
- Yes, I am still Loki’s, same as before. That has not changed, despite what people have insinuated or speculated. I am, however, less inclined to talk about my devotion to Him publicly. My practices have always been fairly solitary anyway, and since I am not blogging about monasticism anymore, I won’t be discussing that aspect of my life in any depth from now on. I’ve mentioned the fact that some of the parameters of that relationship have changed and that I’ve removed the oath-ring acquired last year; this is true, but that doesn’t alter the nature of the bond, and I’m still wearing Loki’s ring.
- Yes, Iron Wood Kindred has dissolved, and unless someone takes up the mantle of leadership and decides to organize them, it is unlikely that EtinMoot or Nine Worlds Festival will happen next year, as all of the planners have been pushed to move on to other things. There was no massive drama or shake-up involved; it was a series of divinations conducted by various people which indicated that the time had come for some people to move on, and for others within the community to step up and take their places. Perhaps this is already happening; if so, I’d be glad to hear it.
As for myself, I’ve been struggling with the process of redefining myself, getting back into things I used to enjoy which I’d given up in favor of full-time devotion, and curious about what the future might have in store for me. I’ve just moved to a different town and am in something of a state of flux, as far as my everyday life goes. Aside from eventually getting the piety survey out, I’m going to be off the radar for some time, I think, and far less involved in online paganism than I’ve been.
I am, however, pleased and grateful that over the last five years, many people have commented and written to thank me for sharing my thoughts, and that I’ve gotten such marvelous feedback and even made a few new friends. Out of all the many comments and messages, only two or three have ever been derogatory or hateful, and considering the nature of Internet communication these days, I consider that a small miracle. The blog will stay up as long as I can continue to have it on WordPress so that people can keep using it as a resource if they like, but honestly I do not know when I’ll post here again. So until that day comes, be safe and happy, and thank you for reading. I’ll be back someday.
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. — Wilson Mizner